Extract from ‘Self-esteem a family affair’ by Jean Illsley Clarke; Harper and Row, New York, 1978
BIRTH to 6 MONTHS: affirmations for BEING
• You have every right to be here
• Your needs are ok with me
• I’m glad you are a boy / girl
• You don’t have to hurry (and grow up)
• I like to hold you
6 to 18 MONTHS: DOING
• You don’t have to do tricks (be smart, cute, stupid, sick, happy, tough, fragile, busy to get positive strokes)
• It’s ok to do things (try things, initiate, be curious, be intuitive) and get support and protection at the same time
18 months to 3 years: THINKING
• I’m glad you are growing up
• I am not afraid of your anger
• You can think about what you feel
• You don’t have to take care of me by thinking for me
• You can be sure about what you need and want and think
3 to 6 years: IDENTITY
• You can be powerful and still have needs
• You don’t have to act scary (or sick, angry or sad) to get taken care of
• You can express your feelings straight
6 to 12 years: STRUCTURE
• You can think before you make that rule your own
• You can trust your feelings to help you know
• You can do it your way
• You don’t have to suffer to get what you need
• It’s ok to disagree
13 to 19 years: SEXUALITY
• You can be a sexual person and still have needs
• It’s ok to know who you are
• You’re welcome to come home again
• I love you
Richard Mottram BSc (Arch), AADip, Dip (Couns), MBACP (Accred)
T: 01946 823915 – E: rrich.mott@ic24.net
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